GP News -- In a special congressional meeting held last night in the state capital, George Bush approved a new law to reduce global warming through the use of solar-nuclear fans.
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Using Star Wars technology, the fans will be placed at strategic hot spots throughout the Earth’s Orbit, oscillating within 10 centimetres on either side. Bush has been quoted, "I think we all agree, the past is over. I got a lot of Ph.D.-types and smart people around me who come into the Oval Office and say, 'Mr. President, here's what's on my mind.' And I listen carefully to their advice. But having gathered the device, I decide, you know, I say, 'This is what we're going to do."It looks like that device is going to be the Freedom Fan, created from platinum and titanium, able to withstand the sub-zero temperatures and winds seen only in outer space. The Freedom Fans are equipped with HP motor drives aerodynamically balanced with a double-locking grill and motor, completed with a computerized chip enabling the fans to be controlled from a remote NASA station in Houston. The mounting bracket and hardware are also made from titanium. They will supply a steady, cool comfortable wind. Canadian prime minister, Stephen Harper has offered the use of the Space Arm technology to help in the Freedom Fan in order to get the tilt angle proportional to direct air flow. "We anticipate the need to do macro and micro adjustments to get this project on board. We are proud to be part of this ground breaking initiative to reduce Global Warming on a global scale," said a political spokesperson at a press conference held this morning outside Sparks Street.
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This has been a collaborative project as well from a technology stand point. Using the latest high tech satellite imagery supplied by Google Earth, the Freedom Fan Team was able to pinpoint global hot spots and determine the best inter-orbital placement for the devices. In a bit of innovative technology swapping, the 2.75 trillion dollar project was able to reduce costs by using reconstructed parts from nuclear power plants throughout North America. A key component was retrieved from the recently retired Chalk River Plant. The Chalk River's Advanced Projects Division proved to be an unvaluable help. The 9200 CFM solar motor module, based on technology from the Columbia shuttle, will provide energy to the Freedom Fans nuclear membranic components. The solar battery will store enough energy to keep any fans running during the evening. Congress expects the first three of the seven fans to be launched just after July 4th. There were some concerns the Freedom Fans could disrupt b-b-q celebrations. Global cooling is just a short breeze away. For more information, log onto HappyAprilFoolsDay.com.
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